7 Habits to Start in 7 Days to Guarantee a Year of Happiness

“Learn to value yourself, which means: fight for your happiness.”
―Ayn Rand

In our busy daily lives it’s easy to miss the forest for the trees and completely overlook some of the more obvious activities that can disproportionally affect our happiness levels.  Luckily, we can go off more than just our intuition; there are lots of proven strategies that aim to create the right behavior that leads to a happier life.  Below, we take a look at seven of the more actionable pieces of advice you can start implementing over the next week.

1.  Find meaning in your work.

Last week I interviewed a motel housekeeper in Miami Beach for a side project I’m working on.  “Do you like your job?” I asked.  To my surprise, she smiled from ear to ear and was breathless for a couple seconds.  She finally collected herself and said, “I can’t believe how much I love my job!  I get to make dozens of our guests happy every day and feed my two beautiful children at the same time.”  Talk about a powerful perspective!  Right?

A job is only just a job if you chose to see it as a job.  But there’s so much more to it.  All work is a chance to be of service.  All work is a chance to express your gifts and talents.  All work is a chance to be helpful to other people.  All work is a chance to change the world.  It’s up to you to find meaning in your work, whether you’re a house keeper, whether you’re a police officer, whether you’re a teacher, whether you’re an astronaut, or an entrepreneur.  You must find meaning in your work so that every day you feel like you’re on a purposeful mission.

So I today challenge you:

Love what you do, until you can do what you love.  Love where you are, until you can be where you love.  Love the people you are with, until you can be with the people you love most.

This is the way we find happiness.  (Read Buddha’s Brain.)

2. Embrace discomfort to gain mastery.

Happy people generally have something known as a “signature strength” – at least one skillset they’ve become proficient at, even if the learning process made them feel somewhat uncomfortable at first.

Over the past decade we’ve coached thousands of people online and offline, and one lesson we’ve learned is that, yes, mastering a skill is just as stressful as you might think.  However, this stress is positive.  Although the process of becoming proficient at something takes its toll on people in the form of stress, people also admit that these same activities make them feel happy and satisfied when they look back on their days, weeks, months, and years as a whole.  They see their progress and they feel great about it.

Truth be told, being terrible at something is the first step to being truly great at it.  Struggle is the evidence of progress.  The more time you spend there, the faster you learn.  It’s better to spend an extremely high quality ten minutes growing, than it is to spend a mediocre hour running in place.  You want to practice at the point where you are on the edge of your ability, stretching yourself over and over again, making mistakes, stumbling, learning from those mistakes and stretching yourself even farther.  The rewards of becoming great in the long run far outweigh the short-term discomfort that’s felt in the process of earning your stripes.

3. Detach yourself from your failures and successes.

Self-worth that’s attached to external merit can be quite fickle.  For example, through our coaching, Angel and I have come to know that most university students who tie their self-worth to their schooling feel small boosts when they receive a good grade or graduate school acceptance letter, but feel harsh drops in self-worth when they don’t.  What these students are forgetting is that failure is not something you are; it’s just something you experience.  And the same is true for success.

So remember that happy, successful people are often happy and successful in the long run for one simple reason: they think about failure and success differently.  They don’t take everything that goes wrong personally, and they don’t get a big head when everything goes right either.  Follow in their footsteps.  Do the best you can, and be a humble, life-long learner.  Never let success get to your head and never let failure get to your heart.

4. Be productive, but not rushed.

Being rushed puts you on the fast track to being miserable.  Period.  But on the flipside, having nothing to do can also take its toll (bad news for those who subscribe to the dream of doing nothing).  The balance is just right when you’re living a productive life at a comfortable pace.  Meaning, you should be expanding your comfort zone often, but not so much that you feel frenzied and out of control.  Easier said than done, but certainly a positive state to strive towards.

One method of achieving this is to have “heavy lifting” and “light lifting” timeslots scheduled each day.  During the “heavy lifting” times, you go at it full force, and then as soon as a “light lifting” timeslot arrives, you slow down.  It’s simply a matter of scheduling time every day to not be overly busy.  Have dedicated downtime – clear points in the day to reflect, rest, and recharge.  Don’t fool yourself; you’re not so busy that you can’t afford a few minutes of sanity.

Also, keep in mind that you can’t always be agreeable to everyone else’s requests and demands; that’s how people take advantage of you.   Sometimes you have to set clear boundaries.  We all have obligations, but a comfortable pace can only be found by properly managing your yeses.  Be willing to say “No” to most things, so you are able to say “Yes” to the right things.  (Read The ONE Thing.)

5.  Give when you’re able.

While giving is usually considered a selfless act, giving is often more beneficial for the giver than the receiver.  In other words, providing social support of any kind can actually be more helpful to the bigger picture of our lives than receiving it.  Intuitively I think we all know this, because it feels amazing to help someone who needs it.  And that’s because lasting happiness doesn’t result from what we get, but from what we give – the experience of making a difference in the world.

The science behind this is simple…

Performing any act of kindness releases Serotonin in your brain.  Serotonin is a natural substance that has incredible health benefits, including making you feel more joyful.  However, what’s even cooler about this is that not only will you feel better, but so will others watching your act of kindness transpire.  That’s right; bystanders will be blessed with a release of Serotonin just by watching you give kindness.  (And a side note is that the job of most anti-depressants is to release more Serotonin.  Move over Pfizer, kindness is kicking butt and taking names!)

So just keep in mind that while you can’t give all of yourself all of the time, you can give some of yourself some of the time, and doing so will make all the difference.

6.  Nurture your closest relationships.

Finding Flow, an interesting psychology book on happiness, reveals national survey data showing that when someone claims to have a few close friends with whom they can discuss important problems, they are 60% more likely to say they’re happy.  Also, did you know studies have shown that average human mortality rates DOUBLE when we’re lonely?  WHOA!

Good relationships really are worth their weight in gold.  And the number of friends isn’t the important aspect here; it’s the effort you put into your relationships that matters.  Although it’s harsh to think about, even the best relationships dissolve over time if they aren’t maintained; a closeness with someone is something you need to continually earn, so never treat it as a given.  Every time you connect with those close to you, you further strengthen those bonds and you give yourself a little boost of happiness at the same time.  Win-win.

And don’t wait around to make big plans with those you care about.  Make your time together the plan.  Communicate openly on a regular basis.  Get together in the flesh as often as possible.  Not because it’s convenient to do so, but because you know each other are worth the extra effort.

Just put down the smart phone, close the laptop and enjoy each other’s company, face to face, the old fashioned way.  There are few joys in life that equal a good conversation, a genuine laugh, a long walk, a friendly dance, or a big hug shared by two people who care about each other.  Sometimes the most ordinary things can be made extraordinary just by doing them with the right people.  So choose to be around these people, and choose to make the most of your time together. (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Relationships” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

7. Be true to yourself.

This one is more anecdotal than specific, but perhaps the most important point of them all.

When the Guardian asked a hospice nurse about the most common regrets of the dying, one of the prevalent answers was that people regretted not being true to themselves.  As one patient put it, “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

May that quote dwell in your mind and remind you to make your needs a priority.

Because ultimately, no matter how you live or how wonderful you are, someone else will be disappointed.  So do your thing.  Don’t hesitate and waste all your time with lots of explanations.  Most people only hear what they want to hear anyway.  Just because someone doesn’t understand your point of view, doesn’t mean a great explanation doesn’t exist.

Seriously, can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?  Happiness is found when you stop comparing yourself to everyone else and what they want.  Stop living for other people and their opinions.  Be true to yourself.  You are the only person in charge of your life.  The only question is: What do you want to do with the rest of it?

Start doing it!

As they say, there are seven days in the week, and “someday” isn’t one of them.

Your turn…

How about you?  What habits keep you happy?  What else would you add to the list?

8 Toxic Beliefs Most People Think Are Normal

It’s not the circumstances of our lives that shape us, but our beliefs about what those circumstances mean.

When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I had tunnel vision and expected life to be a certain way.  I studied my failures until I lost sight of my successes.  I surrendered my dreams to feel a sense of comfort.  I held tight to my fears and shielded myself from love and happiness by refusing to put myself out there.  And as I did all of this, I sat back and wondered why life was so miserable.

Obviously, I was very lost.  My own toxic beliefs and ensuing behaviors had gotten the best of me.  But after some extensive soul-searching, lots of reading, and diligent daily practice, I learned to do things differently, and I found myself again.  I tell you this because I know you struggle with similar inner demons – we all do.  Sometimes the ideas and habits we get comfortable with end up killing us inside.

As a veteran life coach who has now spent the better part of a decade coaching thousands of people online and offline, I realize that many of the toxic beliefs I struggled with earlier in life are actually quite common.  I have literally seen the same toxic beliefs surface in the lives of new clients over and over again.  Here are eight of the most common ones you need to be aware of:

1. The present is indicative of the future. – When things aren’t going well there’s a tendency to extrapolate and assume the future holds more of the same.  For some strange reason this doesn’t happen as much when things are going well.  A laugh, a smile and a warm fuzzy feeling are fleeting and we know it.  We take the good times at face value in the moment for all they’re worth, and then we let them go.  But when we’re depressed, struggling, or fearful, it’s easy to heap on more pain by assuming tomorrow will be exactly like today.  This is a cyclic, self-fulfilling prophecy.  If you don’t allow yourself to move past what happened, what was said, what was felt, you will look at your future through that same dirty lens, and nothing will be able to focus your foggy judgment.  You will keep on justifying, reliving, and fueling a perception that shouldn’t have existed in the first place.
2. It’s too late to make changes. – Life isn’t a straight line.  There isn’t one right path for you or anyone else.  And there isn’t a set timeline of milestones.  But sometimes the pressure coming from peers, family, work, and society in general is enough to make us feel completely broken inside.  If we don’t have the “right” job, relationship, lifestyle, and so forth, by a certain age or timeframe, we assume we’re somehow broken.  And that’s not true at all.  You’re allowed extra time when you need it.  You’re allowed to backtrack.  You’re allowed to figure out what inspires you at different stages of your life.  Life is meant to be a series of zigs and zags.  It should look like a mess, but a beautiful mess.  So whatever situation you’re in right now, just know that it can change if you want it to.  It’s up to you.  You just have to turn yourself around and choose something new.
3. Being vulnerable is dangerous. – We’re all afraid to say too much, to feel too deeply, to let people know what they mean to us.  But this isn’t healthy.  Love is vulnerability.  Happiness is vulnerability.  The risk of being vulnerable is the price of opening yourself up to beauty and opportunity.  Being vulnerable is not about showing the parts of you that are polished; it’s about revealing the unpolished parts you would rather keep hidden from the world.  It’s about looking out into the world with an honest, open heart and saying, “This is me!  Take me or leave me!”  It’s hard to let go and be vulnerable like this though, because the stakes are high.  But remember, nothing worthwhile in this world is a safe bet.  Since love and happiness are born out of our willingness to be vulnerable – to open up to something wonderful that could be taken away from us – when you hide from your vulnerability, you automatically hide from everything you desire.  (Read Daring Greatly.)
4. Being alone is a problem. – Wrong!  If you don’t like who YOU are when you’re with someone else, that’s the real problem, and it’s time to change things.  Relationships must be chosen wisely.  Don’t let loneliness drive you back into the arms of someone you know you don’t belong with.  Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.  Strive to discover true love – the kind of relationship that motivates you to be a better person – the kind of intimacy that’s rare rather than right there.  “But I don’t want to be alone!” you say.  Change your mind about that.  Be alone.  Eat alone.  Take yourself out on dates, and sleep alone when you get back.  By doing so you will learn about yourself.  You will grow, you will figure out what inspires you, you will realize your own dreams, your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity, and when you do meet the right person who makes you feel even more like yourself, you’ll be sure of it, because you’ll be sure of yourself.  Bottom line: Don’t rush love.  Wait until you truly find it.  A great relationship is worth waiting for.
5. Fitting in is a good thing. – Sometimes you likely catch yourself asking, “Who am I to think I can do this?”  When in fact you should be saying, “Who am I to think I can’t?”  Ignore your doubts.  Forget about fitting in.  Stand out!  Think about it.  If you spent your entire life focusing on what everyone else thought of you, would you forget who you really were?  What if the face you showed the world turned out to be a mask… with nothing beneath it?  That’s what happens when you spend all your time trying to be who you think they want you to be.  Don’t sell yourself short.  Don’t save face and lose your soul in the process.  Doing so does not serve the world.  There’s nothing helpful about shrinking so that others won’t feel insecure around you.  You are meant to shine in a way only YOU can.  You were born to manifest all the brilliance inside you.  And as you let your light shine, you subconsciously give others permission to do the same.  As you are liberated from your own fear of standing out, your presence automatically liberates those around you too.  (Read Choose Yourself!)
6. There’s a perfect XYZ for me. – As human beings, we often chase hypothetical, static states of perfection.  We do so when we are searching for the perfect house, job, friend, lover, and so forth.  The problem, of course, is that perfection doesn’t exist in a static state.  Because life is a continual journey, constantly evolving and changing.  What is here today is not exactly the same tomorrow – that perfect house, job, friend or lover will eventually fade to a state of imperfection.  But with a little patience and an open mind, over time, that imperfect house evolves into a comfortable home.  That imperfect job evolves into a rewarding career.  That imperfect friend evolves into a steady shoulder to lean on.  And that imperfect lover evolves into a reliable lifelong companion.  It’s just a matter of letting perfectionism GO.
7. What everyone does to you is personal. – People are toxic to themselves and others when they believe that everything happening in the world is a direct assault on them, or is in some way all about them.  The truth is that what other people say and do to you is much more about them, than you.  People’s reactions to you are about their perspectives, wounds and life experiences.  Whether people think you’re amazing, or believe you’re average, again, is more about them.  I’m not suggesting we should be narcissists and ignore all feedback.  I’m saying that a great deal of hurt, disappointment and sadness in our lives comes from our taking things personally.  In most cases it’s far more productive and healthy to let go of other people’s good or bad opinion of you, and to operate with your own intuition and wisdom as your guide.  (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Relationships” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
8. You should never be sad. – The desire for constant happiness only makes us miserable.  Because nothing in life is constant.  There is neither absolute happiness nor absolute sadness.  There are only the changes in our moods that swing between these two extremes.  At any given moment we’re comparing how we feel to how we felt at another time – comparing one level of our contentment to another.  In this way, those of us who have felt great sadness are best able to feel heightened feelings of happiness after we emotionally heal.  We must know misery to identify times of elation.  The key on a daily basis, nevertheless, is to live your life in full.  Experience the highs and the lows, the positives and negatives, and all the moods present in between.  Don’t focus on simply being happy.  Focus on living a well-seasoned life.  Focus on achieving completeness.  Yes, happiness is part of this completeness, but so is sadness, difficulty, frustration, and failure.  And overcoming these latter points supports your personal growth far more than constant happiness.

The floor is yours…

If you can relate to any of these toxic beliefs, remember, you are not alone.  We all have unhealthy thoughts and tendencies buried deep within us that have the potential to sneak up on us sometimes.  As mention above, the key is awareness – recognizing these beliefs and fixing them before they work their way into your daily routines.

So, which of these toxic beliefs sometimes sneak up on you?  What other toxic beliefs have held you back?  How have you coped?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts and insights with us.

10 Courageous Ways to Live Life Without Regrets

by Naïby Jacques

“Life is inherently risky.  There is only one big risk you should avoid at all costs, and that is the risk of doing nothing.”
―Denis Waitley

Have you ever wondered what gives some people the willingness to move without fear or hesitation?

They do things you believe you can’t do because you’re afraid of the outcome, of the unknown, of the pain.

You see people who can let go of things that might matter to them, and move on with their lives without struggling too much.  You see people who can quit or change their jobs, end difficult relationships, and travel around the world, just like that.

Sometimes you regret not trying harder to follow in the footsteps.  And you wonder…

What do these people have that I don’t?  What’s their secret?

Well, I’ve studied the lives of dozens of courageous (and also successful) people over the years, and I’m happy to share these time-tested strategies for courageously living your life without regrets:

1. Be as weird as you are. – Don’t be afraid to provoke the status quo.  Maybe some of your ideas are crazy.  But crazy ideas are what shake the world.  Crazy ideas make revolutions.  So don’t be afraid to be different, and don’t be afraid to break traditions.  Sure, some people will be frustrated and opposed to your weirdness.  Some people might even criticize you.  But even if it takes time for them to embrace your ideas, you’re showing them a new way of thinking.  You’re planting a seed in their heads and opening their minds – and you’re opening your own mind too.  The minute you understand that you can be weird and mold life your own way, you allow yourself to shake off the erroneous notion that life is just there, and that you’re just going to exist in it, rather than embrace it, change it, improve it, and truly live it.
2. Choose to act even when you’re unsure of your ability. – Everyone has doubts about their abilities.  You might think you’re not good enough, not smart enough, or not strong enough.  And it’s OK if you’re not great at something, because you don’t have to be.  It doesn’t matter if you don’t do things perfectly either.  What matters is that you dare to try.  Instead of looking at the end result (the big picture), divide your project into pieces and tackle the piece you feel most comfortable with first.  You need to be content with small steps in life.  Honestly, that’s all life is – small steps that you take every day, and then one day when you look back down the road it all adds up and you know you covered some serious distance.  (Read The Miracle Morning.)
3. Fearlessly follow your intuition. – Intuition is seeing with the soul.  It’s about giving your God-given instincts a say in the matter.  Of course, at first this may seem irrational.  You might think the more you over-analyze, the more you’ll make good decisions, right?  But more often than not, doing so can actually lead you to make poorer decisions.  Exclusively using your rational mind, or relying on your ego, keeps you safe and secure – meaning there’s no room to take calculated risks and learn and grow from them.  Using your rational mind 24/7 allows your fears to overcome you.  And those fears can cloud the signals that your body – that powerful communicator and receptor – sends you.  So you need to be in the present and pay attention to your body’s sensations: tightness in the chest, goose bumps, odors, visions, etc.  That’s your intuition!  Don’t be afraid to make decisions that seem a little irrational from the outside, yet feel totally right on the inside.
4. Stand up for your values (even at the risk of rejection). – Never compromise your values.  Don’t let the fear of being rejected stop you from affirming what’s important to you.  The right people will respect you more and hold you in higher regard if you’re rigorous about your principles, if you’re honest, and if you stay consistent about what you believe in.  This is a powerful way to solidify your relationships and to gain mutual trust… Maybe not in the beginning, but in the long run.  Furthermore, standing up for your values instantly makes you a leader, as it’s the most heroic quality one can aspire to.
5. Speak your mind even if your voice shakes. – At times, you may think your word has no weight.  But it does (regardless of how miniscule you may think it is).  Your opinion will be an eye-opener for some people, and it will be a source of liberation for others.  We all have an altruist nature buried within.  We all want to help the people around us in some way.  So instead of being stuck in your mind, ask yourself how your thoughts and words might help the ones around you, and focus on them instead of the ones you believe might judge you.  Let people take you as you are, or not at all.  By being yourself, you put something beautiful into the world that was not there before.  And this helps everyone who’s worth helping (including YOU).
6. Be willing to be vulnerable. – Nothing is wrong with telling someone else how you truly feel.  Sharing something personal makes you stronger in people’s eyes, and most importantly in your own.  Being able to show the real you when most people would rather hide behind a fake mask is an admirable quality.  So don’t be ashamed to shed a tear.  Being vulnerable only shows that you’re able to face the truth – even the hard truth – with dignity.  Open yourself up.  Allow yourself to feel, to be mindful and authentic.  Tear down any emotional brick walls you have built around yourself and experience every exquisite emotion, both good and bad.  This is real life.
7. Be willing to be judged. – Don’t let fear of embarrassment stop you from trying something new.  Sometimes we withhold ourselves from novelty because we’re afraid some people might call us silly or stupid.  Shying away from trying something new stops your growth and your evolution.  It stops you from acquiring new skills and knowledge.  And life is a continuous school.  Don’t miss out on opportunities to learn something enriching.  If you think your new project might seem ridiculous to some people, turn those thoughts around in a funny or a disarming way, and go ahead and take the classes that interest you.  And if people judge you for it, feel sorry for them, for simple minds are usually amused by simple things. (Read Daring Greatly.)
8. Admit when you’re wrong. – You would think that pride is a positive emotion, but it’s not when it’s excessive.  Excessive pride is a reaction to insecurity.  So when you know you’re wrong, instead of trying to protect your self-esteem in the eyes of others, hold your tongue for two minutes, take a deep breath, and find the lesson.  Consider the fact that being wrong is OK, and then admit that you are wrong.  Yes, it’s hard.  Yes, it takes strength to admit it, but it makes you more humble and commendable.  And even more importantly, realize that when you’re wrong, you’re meant to be wrong so that you may outgrow the things you need to outgrow.
9. End hurtful relationships. – One of the very hardest parts of loving someone: You have to give things up for them.  And sometimes, you even have to give them up.  Of course, it’s always difficult to let go of someone you care about (or cared about) without getting hurt in the process.  Even if this person has hurt you a hundred times, you start thinking of all these what ifs – these maybes about the future.  But that’s just the thing… there’s nothing concrete and reliable about these feelings and fantasies.  The reality of their actions has disproven them.  When someone shows you their true colors time and time again, it’s best to believe them and carry on without them.  (Marc and Angel discuss this in more detail in the “Relationships” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
10. Forgive (even when you’ve been deeply hurt). – Forgiveness isn’t holding on to someone who hurt you; it’s coming to peace with what happened and moving forward with your life, one way or the other.  Some of us have a tendency to hold grudges against people.  We’re unable to let go of the past.  But grudges are a toxic emotion – an emotion that can rot inside you and turn you into a bitter, egotistical zombie.  Know that pain is short-lived.  Emotional pain is a call to acknowledge it and address it, instead of letting it get the best of you.  In fact, forgiveness is the sweetest revenge.  If you can forgive someone who did you wrong, you’re at least one step ahead of them in the karma department, and one step ahead of everyone else who’s still holding on to old grudges that are holding them back.

Closing Thoughts

Life is not about maintaining the status quo.

Life is not about playing it safe.

Life is not about standing still.

It’s about connecting with your soul, respecting your integrity, and telling yourself that you’re able.  It’s about taking a few steps, regardless of how little they may be, so you can move forward, and evolve.

That’s why you were put here on this earth: to grow.  You can be challenged, scared, and stretched to your limits, but taking action will make you feel gratified beyond belief.

And the best part is: You become more decisive, more playful, and more vigorous.

So don’t be afraid to let go of your inhibitions.  Don’t be afraid to be disappointed.  Don’t be afraid to get hurt.

Ask yourself about the costs and implications of not taking action.  Then think of the new possibilities that could arise if you do dare to act.

Be daring and courageous!

Get moving and live it!

This is your one shot…

Take it, today!

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50 Ways to a Happy Life by Just Be

1. Let Go of Expectations
Our expectations of how others should treat us can cause us untold stress and pain. When we let expectations go, it will see us free from disappointment.

2. Learn to Accept
We cannot and should not control everything in life. Acceptance of self, others and life situations is essential if we want to live a happy, healthy life.

3. Release Dependency on Others
When we depend on another to make us feel happy or to give our life meaning, we miss out on our own unique journey.

4. Control your Thoughts
Most of our stress is born, not from our life situations but the way we think about them. Choose your thoughts wisely.

5. Judge Not Judging another will only serve in making you fearful of others judgments towards you; which in turn will make you afraid of doing, saying or being anything. 6. Stop Procrastinating Don’t put off today what you can do tomorrow. Time goes by too quickly. Don’t waste life thinking about what you could be doing and just do it. 7. Be at peace with criticism Trying to go through life avoiding criticism will only stop you from doing what you are meant to do and becoming who you are meant to be.

8. Change not another nor let another change you
Allow yourself or others to be who they truly are. Trying to mold another into being the person you want them to be, or changing oneself to please another takes away life’s opportunities.

9. Don’t Take it Personally
If another judges, criticizes or treats you, it is not a reflection on you but on them. Just because another thinks you are wrong does not make them right. Allow others to have their opinion but don’t let it be the voice in your head.

10. Stay Unique
With everyone trying to fit in, originality is rare. Give yourself the gift of being a one-off original.

11. Never Give Up
Good things aren’t meant to arrive overnight and we have little appreciation of that which comes easy. If you want something and believe in it, keep striving towards it, no matter what your age.

12. Leave the Crowd Behind
We are each here to enjoy our own exclusive life experience, following the crowd stops you from having it.

13. Collect Experiences not Treasures
The only thing we get to take with us when we leave this body is our knowledge and experience. Our possessions stay behind.

14. Abandon the Fear of Failure A failure is simply a learning experience to teach us how not to do something in the future. When we learn something, through failure, it is a valuable gift that only we can give ourselves. 15. Believe in Yourself Believe in what you want to do, not what family wants of you or society expects you to do. If you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will. 16. Embrace Success Have confidence in the fact you are successful and you always will be! 17. Love What You Do and Do What You love When you are happy in your work, success will follow. 18. Don’t Place Your Worth on Your Appearance Youthful looks will fade in time but the beauty within continues to grow. Embrace who you are and not how you look. 19. Take Responsibility for Your ActionsLive life believing karma exists. 20. Create the Change You Want To See Don’t wait for someone else to do it first. Be the answer you’ve been waiting for. 21. Treat Everyone as an Equal No one is better than another, no matter what their wealth or status. Believing we are better or lesser than another leads to grandiosity or lack of self-worth. 22. Listen to Others Most are not listening, they are simply waiting for their chance to speak. When we allow ourselves to really hear what others are saying, we expand our own consciousness. 23. Take Not Revenge It is not up to us to punish others for what we consider bad behavior. When we treat others badly, or push them away, to teach them a lesson, it will always backfire! 24. Remember You Have Freewill It is your life, you do not have to do anything you do not want or choose. 25. Allow Yourself to Give and Receive Love Opening your heart is not a sign of weakness, it’s a show of strength. 26. Let Go of Pain We wouldn’t hold on to a burning coal, so why allow painful emotions to burn within our body. 27. Don’t Allow Rules to Stifle Creativity Rules should be seen as guidelines, be a rebel and break a few. 28. Step Out of Your Comfort Zone Daily If you want to grow in life, do something each day that makes you squirm. 29. Stop Waiting For another To Complete you The only person who can make you complete is you. 30. Learn to Be on Your Own Learning to love one’s own company makes the journey of life into an extraordinary expedition. 31. Like Yourself If you don’t like yourself, you won’t respect yourself and if you don’t respect yourself, no one else will! 32. Keep Your Self-Talk Positive It is the key to a happy, productive life. 33. Eat What Nature Intended Genetically modified and chemically laden foods have no right being inside the human body. For lasting health and happiness keep your diet clean. 34. Nurture Body Mind and Spirit They are connected and only when all three are balanced can we find harmony in life. 35. Free Your Voice and Learn to Say No If others do not want to respect your right to choose, that is their problem. No matter what you do, you will never please others most of the time, so you may as well please yourself all the time. 36. Remember Your Friends One of the biggest regret of those on their deathbed is losing touch with old friends. You cannot make new ‘old friends’. You will rarely make friends like the ones who have been in your life for the long hall, don’t forget them. 37. Free Yourself from Childhood Issues The child in you lived, but got through those difficult times, don’t let the adult be punished by them. 38. Let Go of Resentment Why let another’s actions blight your life? Being filled with resentment towards others makes you bitter. Let it go. 39. Control Anger Our anger only serves in punishing us, not the ones we are angry with. 40. Help others to help themselves Instead of telling others how to do it, show them by example. 41. Lose the Need to be Right Wanting to be right, just makes others wrong. Value others opinions. 42. Question Everything Don’t believe everything you read, hear or see. If it doesn’t feel right, chances are it isn’t. 43. Give Without Expect of Return Doing nice things for others without expecting anything back, sets the spirit soaring. 44. Stop Throwing Pity Parties Talk and think like a victim and be a victim. 45. Strive For Many Life Experiences Keep your life energized with a new experience every day. 46. Why Wait? Go and Get It If you want something, find a way to get it. Don’t leave your dreams as a thought. Step out there and create them. 47. Respect the Elderly We will all be old one day. 48. Find Your Passions How will you know what they are if you don’t seek them out? 49. Select Acquaintances Wisely You become who you spend most time around. 50. Choose Happiness We have a choice how to feel. For a joyful life make the decision to feel happy each and every day!

5 Principles of Genuine Kindness By Charles Glassman, MD, FACP

the definition of kindness is, “the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.” In a perfect world this is a quality we would wish to bestow upon ourselves and hope others also possess. But why does it seem so hard.

I know what you are probably thinking, “Speak for yourself. It’s not hard for me. I’m a kind person, it’s everyone else who isn’t kind.”

Well here in lies the greatest obstacle to creating a world where kindness is the unwritten law of the land; the habit of humanity; the definition of our existence. The obstacle to this is the fact that humankind has relinquished control to our primitive nature, controlled and orchestrated by (what I call) our automatic brain.

Let me digress, briefly, to shed light on this brain. Our automatic brain is the same brain as our cave dwelling ancestors and the major driving force in animals (including us Homo sapiens). It does not think (i.e. lacks consciousness) and only reacts. It reacts to anything it picks up as potentially dangerous, threatening, or causing us to feel vulnerable. When any of these are detected it automatically reacts causing us to fight or flee. How does it know what is dangerous? Through a lifetime of storing information. When I say this brain doesn’t think, that is different from the idea generating thoughts. It can cause us to have thoughts if those thoughts help us to fight or flee danger. For example, let’s say you grew up in a home where you were taught that rich people were evil. As

you grew and became more educated, it led you to a career where you began to enjoy financial success. All of a sudden you begin to develop negative thoughts about yourself and feel anxiety. Why? Because your automatic brain detects this success as something dangerous because of the stored data from childhood and it is doing whatever it takes, by all necessary means, to get you to fight or flee this “danger”. Such is an example of a modern day saber-toothed tiger.

So let’s get back to kindness. I have highlighted the existence of a primitive nature controlled by a very basic reactive brain, the automatic brain (AB, for short). All humans possess this equally. But there is another part of us humans—a higher mind: reflective and conscious, pure and powerful—a gateway to our Divine nature. This is from where genuine kindness arises

But our AB is quite creative in how it protects us from so-called danger. Some people over the centuries have viewed the AB as ego or even the Devil. It can use kind acts to manipulate and to gain power over another. As well, being kind toward another may trigger danger as this brain may pick up that you are placing yourself in a vulnerable position and therefore the AB will cause you to fight or flee being kind; thus, the complexity and difficulty of being kind. So how do we practice kindness with purity and from our Divine nature rather than orchestrated by our AB, and hence, our primitive nature? 1.       Give with no expectations In other words, give with no strings attached. When we give with expectations of something in return, that is a sign our AB is taking the lead. When we expect something in return, that indicates our AB is trying to use kindness to gain the upper hand, thus insulating us from the danger of others taking advantage, or manipulating, us. Giving for display purposes, i.e. for the purposes of being viewed by others as a good person, may have immediate benefits on those to whom you give, but ultimately since it comes from the AB, will not nurture the Divine and genuine. In my mind, authentic giving without expectation leads to receiving without limitation.

2.       Understand that self-sacrifice often leads to self-sabotage

Surely it’s good to give of yourself, right? However, some of the greatest givers have allowed their own lives and families to fall apart. That is a sign that poverty and lack has somehow been programmed in their memory backs as something with which they are comfortable and the opposite as something dangerous (as the example above).  In order to be connected with true Divine kindness, you must first keep your own house in order—adequate (preferably abundant) food, clothing, and shelter. When you sacrifice yourself at the expense of others, you will block the access to true kindness, likely leading to resentment, inner anger, and even jealousy. Another way to look at this is a drowning person cannot help someone else who is drowning.

3.       Practice the Golden Rule

The most familiar version of the Golden Rule says, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Certainly, we would want others to be friendly, genuine, and considerate toward us, so it would make sense to do the same to others. Naturally, our AB will warn us that such action can make us more vulnerable. Such warnings are typical characteristics of the AB, which is forever scouring the landscape 24/7 for evidence of things that can hurt us. Don’t trust those warnings and practice this rule and realize we are all in this earth-boat together.

4.       Radiate Kindness

Have you ever described someone as having a “kind face” or say someone has “kind eyes.” I have. When you go through your days, no matter how stressful, maintain an upright posture, a smile on your face, and widen yours eyes (not in a creepy sort of way!). You can check in occasionally by viewing yourself in the mirror of a car, for instance. When you walk down the street envision your eyes sparkling, your face aglow, and your lips smiling. This will attract kindness to you and make your practice easier—more consistent with the Divine within you.

5.       Practice Non-Discriminatory Kindness

I think we can all agree that giving a homeless person a piece of bread or place a shirt on their back is an act of kindness. But what if you saw a millionaire in need of help. Or saw anyone in need of help who you perceived to have more than you or who was more powerful than you? Could you be kind to that person? You see, our AB does have us discriminating as a protective, defensive mechanism. “Why should I help that dude? They don’t help me?” (Hey, remember the first item on this list?!). Or you may be thinking, “They don’t need me to be kind. They can pay people to be kind to them.” You will find that when you follow your Divine instinct for kindness, you will not discriminate. I suspect, also, this practice will draw more kindness in your direction in ways you cannot even imagine.   

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There is probably no greater place than the concept of kindness, which highlights the difference between our primitive and Divine natures. Approaching others using the five principles above will help you not to believe, trust, or take direction from your primitive nature and will throw open the gates to the Divine, unveiling your pure potential, life purpose, and ultimately genuine success.