8 Toxic Beliefs Most People Think Are Normal

It’s not the circumstances of our lives that shape us, but our beliefs about what those circumstances mean.

When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I had tunnel vision and expected life to be a certain way.  I studied my failures until I lost sight of my successes.  I surrendered my dreams to feel a sense of comfort.  I held tight to my fears and shielded myself from love and happiness by refusing to put myself out there.  And as I did all of this, I sat back and wondered why life was so miserable.

Obviously, I was very lost.  My own toxic beliefs and ensuing behaviors had gotten the best of me.  But after some extensive soul-searching, lots of reading, and diligent daily practice, I learned to do things differently, and I found myself again.  I tell you this because I know you struggle with similar inner demons – we all do.  Sometimes the ideas and habits we get comfortable with end up killing us inside.

As a veteran life coach who has now spent the better part of a decade coaching thousands of people online and offline, I realize that many of the toxic beliefs I struggled with earlier in life are actually quite common.  I have literally seen the same toxic beliefs surface in the lives of new clients over and over again.  Here are eight of the most common ones you need to be aware of:

1. The present is indicative of the future. – When things aren’t going well there’s a tendency to extrapolate and assume the future holds more of the same.  For some strange reason this doesn’t happen as much when things are going well.  A laugh, a smile and a warm fuzzy feeling are fleeting and we know it.  We take the good times at face value in the moment for all they’re worth, and then we let them go.  But when we’re depressed, struggling, or fearful, it’s easy to heap on more pain by assuming tomorrow will be exactly like today.  This is a cyclic, self-fulfilling prophecy.  If you don’t allow yourself to move past what happened, what was said, what was felt, you will look at your future through that same dirty lens, and nothing will be able to focus your foggy judgment.  You will keep on justifying, reliving, and fueling a perception that shouldn’t have existed in the first place.
2. It’s too late to make changes. – Life isn’t a straight line.  There isn’t one right path for you or anyone else.  And there isn’t a set timeline of milestones.  But sometimes the pressure coming from peers, family, work, and society in general is enough to make us feel completely broken inside.  If we don’t have the “right” job, relationship, lifestyle, and so forth, by a certain age or timeframe, we assume we’re somehow broken.  And that’s not true at all.  You’re allowed extra time when you need it.  You’re allowed to backtrack.  You’re allowed to figure out what inspires you at different stages of your life.  Life is meant to be a series of zigs and zags.  It should look like a mess, but a beautiful mess.  So whatever situation you’re in right now, just know that it can change if you want it to.  It’s up to you.  You just have to turn yourself around and choose something new.
3. Being vulnerable is dangerous. – We’re all afraid to say too much, to feel too deeply, to let people know what they mean to us.  But this isn’t healthy.  Love is vulnerability.  Happiness is vulnerability.  The risk of being vulnerable is the price of opening yourself up to beauty and opportunity.  Being vulnerable is not about showing the parts of you that are polished; it’s about revealing the unpolished parts you would rather keep hidden from the world.  It’s about looking out into the world with an honest, open heart and saying, “This is me!  Take me or leave me!”  It’s hard to let go and be vulnerable like this though, because the stakes are high.  But remember, nothing worthwhile in this world is a safe bet.  Since love and happiness are born out of our willingness to be vulnerable – to open up to something wonderful that could be taken away from us – when you hide from your vulnerability, you automatically hide from everything you desire.  (Read Daring Greatly.)
4. Being alone is a problem. – Wrong!  If you don’t like who YOU are when you’re with someone else, that’s the real problem, and it’s time to change things.  Relationships must be chosen wisely.  Don’t let loneliness drive you back into the arms of someone you know you don’t belong with.  Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.  Strive to discover true love – the kind of relationship that motivates you to be a better person – the kind of intimacy that’s rare rather than right there.  “But I don’t want to be alone!” you say.  Change your mind about that.  Be alone.  Eat alone.  Take yourself out on dates, and sleep alone when you get back.  By doing so you will learn about yourself.  You will grow, you will figure out what inspires you, you will realize your own dreams, your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity, and when you do meet the right person who makes you feel even more like yourself, you’ll be sure of it, because you’ll be sure of yourself.  Bottom line: Don’t rush love.  Wait until you truly find it.  A great relationship is worth waiting for.
5. Fitting in is a good thing. – Sometimes you likely catch yourself asking, “Who am I to think I can do this?”  When in fact you should be saying, “Who am I to think I can’t?”  Ignore your doubts.  Forget about fitting in.  Stand out!  Think about it.  If you spent your entire life focusing on what everyone else thought of you, would you forget who you really were?  What if the face you showed the world turned out to be a mask… with nothing beneath it?  That’s what happens when you spend all your time trying to be who you think they want you to be.  Don’t sell yourself short.  Don’t save face and lose your soul in the process.  Doing so does not serve the world.  There’s nothing helpful about shrinking so that others won’t feel insecure around you.  You are meant to shine in a way only YOU can.  You were born to manifest all the brilliance inside you.  And as you let your light shine, you subconsciously give others permission to do the same.  As you are liberated from your own fear of standing out, your presence automatically liberates those around you too.  (Read Choose Yourself!)
6. There’s a perfect XYZ for me. – As human beings, we often chase hypothetical, static states of perfection.  We do so when we are searching for the perfect house, job, friend, lover, and so forth.  The problem, of course, is that perfection doesn’t exist in a static state.  Because life is a continual journey, constantly evolving and changing.  What is here today is not exactly the same tomorrow – that perfect house, job, friend or lover will eventually fade to a state of imperfection.  But with a little patience and an open mind, over time, that imperfect house evolves into a comfortable home.  That imperfect job evolves into a rewarding career.  That imperfect friend evolves into a steady shoulder to lean on.  And that imperfect lover evolves into a reliable lifelong companion.  It’s just a matter of letting perfectionism GO.
7. What everyone does to you is personal. – People are toxic to themselves and others when they believe that everything happening in the world is a direct assault on them, or is in some way all about them.  The truth is that what other people say and do to you is much more about them, than you.  People’s reactions to you are about their perspectives, wounds and life experiences.  Whether people think you’re amazing, or believe you’re average, again, is more about them.  I’m not suggesting we should be narcissists and ignore all feedback.  I’m saying that a great deal of hurt, disappointment and sadness in our lives comes from our taking things personally.  In most cases it’s far more productive and healthy to let go of other people’s good or bad opinion of you, and to operate with your own intuition and wisdom as your guide.  (Angel and I discuss this in detail in the “Relationships” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
8. You should never be sad. – The desire for constant happiness only makes us miserable.  Because nothing in life is constant.  There is neither absolute happiness nor absolute sadness.  There are only the changes in our moods that swing between these two extremes.  At any given moment we’re comparing how we feel to how we felt at another time – comparing one level of our contentment to another.  In this way, those of us who have felt great sadness are best able to feel heightened feelings of happiness after we emotionally heal.  We must know misery to identify times of elation.  The key on a daily basis, nevertheless, is to live your life in full.  Experience the highs and the lows, the positives and negatives, and all the moods present in between.  Don’t focus on simply being happy.  Focus on living a well-seasoned life.  Focus on achieving completeness.  Yes, happiness is part of this completeness, but so is sadness, difficulty, frustration, and failure.  And overcoming these latter points supports your personal growth far more than constant happiness.

The floor is yours…

If you can relate to any of these toxic beliefs, remember, you are not alone.  We all have unhealthy thoughts and tendencies buried deep within us that have the potential to sneak up on us sometimes.  As mention above, the key is awareness – recognizing these beliefs and fixing them before they work their way into your daily routines.

So, which of these toxic beliefs sometimes sneak up on you?  What other toxic beliefs have held you back?  How have you coped?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts and insights with us.

10 Courageous Ways to Live Life Without Regrets

by Naïby Jacques

“Life is inherently risky.  There is only one big risk you should avoid at all costs, and that is the risk of doing nothing.”
―Denis Waitley

Have you ever wondered what gives some people the willingness to move without fear or hesitation?

They do things you believe you can’t do because you’re afraid of the outcome, of the unknown, of the pain.

You see people who can let go of things that might matter to them, and move on with their lives without struggling too much.  You see people who can quit or change their jobs, end difficult relationships, and travel around the world, just like that.

Sometimes you regret not trying harder to follow in the footsteps.  And you wonder…

What do these people have that I don’t?  What’s their secret?

Well, I’ve studied the lives of dozens of courageous (and also successful) people over the years, and I’m happy to share these time-tested strategies for courageously living your life without regrets:

1. Be as weird as you are. – Don’t be afraid to provoke the status quo.  Maybe some of your ideas are crazy.  But crazy ideas are what shake the world.  Crazy ideas make revolutions.  So don’t be afraid to be different, and don’t be afraid to break traditions.  Sure, some people will be frustrated and opposed to your weirdness.  Some people might even criticize you.  But even if it takes time for them to embrace your ideas, you’re showing them a new way of thinking.  You’re planting a seed in their heads and opening their minds – and you’re opening your own mind too.  The minute you understand that you can be weird and mold life your own way, you allow yourself to shake off the erroneous notion that life is just there, and that you’re just going to exist in it, rather than embrace it, change it, improve it, and truly live it.
2. Choose to act even when you’re unsure of your ability. – Everyone has doubts about their abilities.  You might think you’re not good enough, not smart enough, or not strong enough.  And it’s OK if you’re not great at something, because you don’t have to be.  It doesn’t matter if you don’t do things perfectly either.  What matters is that you dare to try.  Instead of looking at the end result (the big picture), divide your project into pieces and tackle the piece you feel most comfortable with first.  You need to be content with small steps in life.  Honestly, that’s all life is – small steps that you take every day, and then one day when you look back down the road it all adds up and you know you covered some serious distance.  (Read The Miracle Morning.)
3. Fearlessly follow your intuition. – Intuition is seeing with the soul.  It’s about giving your God-given instincts a say in the matter.  Of course, at first this may seem irrational.  You might think the more you over-analyze, the more you’ll make good decisions, right?  But more often than not, doing so can actually lead you to make poorer decisions.  Exclusively using your rational mind, or relying on your ego, keeps you safe and secure – meaning there’s no room to take calculated risks and learn and grow from them.  Using your rational mind 24/7 allows your fears to overcome you.  And those fears can cloud the signals that your body – that powerful communicator and receptor – sends you.  So you need to be in the present and pay attention to your body’s sensations: tightness in the chest, goose bumps, odors, visions, etc.  That’s your intuition!  Don’t be afraid to make decisions that seem a little irrational from the outside, yet feel totally right on the inside.
4. Stand up for your values (even at the risk of rejection). – Never compromise your values.  Don’t let the fear of being rejected stop you from affirming what’s important to you.  The right people will respect you more and hold you in higher regard if you’re rigorous about your principles, if you’re honest, and if you stay consistent about what you believe in.  This is a powerful way to solidify your relationships and to gain mutual trust… Maybe not in the beginning, but in the long run.  Furthermore, standing up for your values instantly makes you a leader, as it’s the most heroic quality one can aspire to.
5. Speak your mind even if your voice shakes. – At times, you may think your word has no weight.  But it does (regardless of how miniscule you may think it is).  Your opinion will be an eye-opener for some people, and it will be a source of liberation for others.  We all have an altruist nature buried within.  We all want to help the people around us in some way.  So instead of being stuck in your mind, ask yourself how your thoughts and words might help the ones around you, and focus on them instead of the ones you believe might judge you.  Let people take you as you are, or not at all.  By being yourself, you put something beautiful into the world that was not there before.  And this helps everyone who’s worth helping (including YOU).
6. Be willing to be vulnerable. – Nothing is wrong with telling someone else how you truly feel.  Sharing something personal makes you stronger in people’s eyes, and most importantly in your own.  Being able to show the real you when most people would rather hide behind a fake mask is an admirable quality.  So don’t be ashamed to shed a tear.  Being vulnerable only shows that you’re able to face the truth – even the hard truth – with dignity.  Open yourself up.  Allow yourself to feel, to be mindful and authentic.  Tear down any emotional brick walls you have built around yourself and experience every exquisite emotion, both good and bad.  This is real life.
7. Be willing to be judged. – Don’t let fear of embarrassment stop you from trying something new.  Sometimes we withhold ourselves from novelty because we’re afraid some people might call us silly or stupid.  Shying away from trying something new stops your growth and your evolution.  It stops you from acquiring new skills and knowledge.  And life is a continuous school.  Don’t miss out on opportunities to learn something enriching.  If you think your new project might seem ridiculous to some people, turn those thoughts around in a funny or a disarming way, and go ahead and take the classes that interest you.  And if people judge you for it, feel sorry for them, for simple minds are usually amused by simple things. (Read Daring Greatly.)
8. Admit when you’re wrong. – You would think that pride is a positive emotion, but it’s not when it’s excessive.  Excessive pride is a reaction to insecurity.  So when you know you’re wrong, instead of trying to protect your self-esteem in the eyes of others, hold your tongue for two minutes, take a deep breath, and find the lesson.  Consider the fact that being wrong is OK, and then admit that you are wrong.  Yes, it’s hard.  Yes, it takes strength to admit it, but it makes you more humble and commendable.  And even more importantly, realize that when you’re wrong, you’re meant to be wrong so that you may outgrow the things you need to outgrow.
9. End hurtful relationships. – One of the very hardest parts of loving someone: You have to give things up for them.  And sometimes, you even have to give them up.  Of course, it’s always difficult to let go of someone you care about (or cared about) without getting hurt in the process.  Even if this person has hurt you a hundred times, you start thinking of all these what ifs – these maybes about the future.  But that’s just the thing… there’s nothing concrete and reliable about these feelings and fantasies.  The reality of their actions has disproven them.  When someone shows you their true colors time and time again, it’s best to believe them and carry on without them.  (Marc and Angel discuss this in more detail in the “Relationships” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)
10. Forgive (even when you’ve been deeply hurt). – Forgiveness isn’t holding on to someone who hurt you; it’s coming to peace with what happened and moving forward with your life, one way or the other.  Some of us have a tendency to hold grudges against people.  We’re unable to let go of the past.  But grudges are a toxic emotion – an emotion that can rot inside you and turn you into a bitter, egotistical zombie.  Know that pain is short-lived.  Emotional pain is a call to acknowledge it and address it, instead of letting it get the best of you.  In fact, forgiveness is the sweetest revenge.  If you can forgive someone who did you wrong, you’re at least one step ahead of them in the karma department, and one step ahead of everyone else who’s still holding on to old grudges that are holding them back.

Closing Thoughts

Life is not about maintaining the status quo.

Life is not about playing it safe.

Life is not about standing still.

It’s about connecting with your soul, respecting your integrity, and telling yourself that you’re able.  It’s about taking a few steps, regardless of how little they may be, so you can move forward, and evolve.

That’s why you were put here on this earth: to grow.  You can be challenged, scared, and stretched to your limits, but taking action will make you feel gratified beyond belief.

And the best part is: You become more decisive, more playful, and more vigorous.

So don’t be afraid to let go of your inhibitions.  Don’t be afraid to be disappointed.  Don’t be afraid to get hurt.

Ask yourself about the costs and implications of not taking action.  Then think of the new possibilities that could arise if you do dare to act.

Be daring and courageous!

Get moving and live it!

This is your one shot…

Take it, today!

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50 Ways to a Happy Life by Just Be

1. Let Go of Expectations
Our expectations of how others should treat us can cause us untold stress and pain. When we let expectations go, it will see us free from disappointment.

2. Learn to Accept
We cannot and should not control everything in life. Acceptance of self, others and life situations is essential if we want to live a happy, healthy life.

3. Release Dependency on Others
When we depend on another to make us feel happy or to give our life meaning, we miss out on our own unique journey.

4. Control your Thoughts
Most of our stress is born, not from our life situations but the way we think about them. Choose your thoughts wisely.

5. Judge Not Judging another will only serve in making you fearful of others judgments towards you; which in turn will make you afraid of doing, saying or being anything. 6. Stop Procrastinating Don’t put off today what you can do tomorrow. Time goes by too quickly. Don’t waste life thinking about what you could be doing and just do it. 7. Be at peace with criticism Trying to go through life avoiding criticism will only stop you from doing what you are meant to do and becoming who you are meant to be.

8. Change not another nor let another change you
Allow yourself or others to be who they truly are. Trying to mold another into being the person you want them to be, or changing oneself to please another takes away life’s opportunities.

9. Don’t Take it Personally
If another judges, criticizes or treats you, it is not a reflection on you but on them. Just because another thinks you are wrong does not make them right. Allow others to have their opinion but don’t let it be the voice in your head.

10. Stay Unique
With everyone trying to fit in, originality is rare. Give yourself the gift of being a one-off original.

11. Never Give Up
Good things aren’t meant to arrive overnight and we have little appreciation of that which comes easy. If you want something and believe in it, keep striving towards it, no matter what your age.

12. Leave the Crowd Behind
We are each here to enjoy our own exclusive life experience, following the crowd stops you from having it.

13. Collect Experiences not Treasures
The only thing we get to take with us when we leave this body is our knowledge and experience. Our possessions stay behind.

14. Abandon the Fear of Failure A failure is simply a learning experience to teach us how not to do something in the future. When we learn something, through failure, it is a valuable gift that only we can give ourselves. 15. Believe in Yourself Believe in what you want to do, not what family wants of you or society expects you to do. If you don’t believe in yourself, no one else will. 16. Embrace Success Have confidence in the fact you are successful and you always will be! 17. Love What You Do and Do What You love When you are happy in your work, success will follow. 18. Don’t Place Your Worth on Your Appearance Youthful looks will fade in time but the beauty within continues to grow. Embrace who you are and not how you look. 19. Take Responsibility for Your ActionsLive life believing karma exists. 20. Create the Change You Want To See Don’t wait for someone else to do it first. Be the answer you’ve been waiting for. 21. Treat Everyone as an Equal No one is better than another, no matter what their wealth or status. Believing we are better or lesser than another leads to grandiosity or lack of self-worth. 22. Listen to Others Most are not listening, they are simply waiting for their chance to speak. When we allow ourselves to really hear what others are saying, we expand our own consciousness. 23. Take Not Revenge It is not up to us to punish others for what we consider bad behavior. When we treat others badly, or push them away, to teach them a lesson, it will always backfire! 24. Remember You Have Freewill It is your life, you do not have to do anything you do not want or choose. 25. Allow Yourself to Give and Receive Love Opening your heart is not a sign of weakness, it’s a show of strength. 26. Let Go of Pain We wouldn’t hold on to a burning coal, so why allow painful emotions to burn within our body. 27. Don’t Allow Rules to Stifle Creativity Rules should be seen as guidelines, be a rebel and break a few. 28. Step Out of Your Comfort Zone Daily If you want to grow in life, do something each day that makes you squirm. 29. Stop Waiting For another To Complete you The only person who can make you complete is you. 30. Learn to Be on Your Own Learning to love one’s own company makes the journey of life into an extraordinary expedition. 31. Like Yourself If you don’t like yourself, you won’t respect yourself and if you don’t respect yourself, no one else will! 32. Keep Your Self-Talk Positive It is the key to a happy, productive life. 33. Eat What Nature Intended Genetically modified and chemically laden foods have no right being inside the human body. For lasting health and happiness keep your diet clean. 34. Nurture Body Mind and Spirit They are connected and only when all three are balanced can we find harmony in life. 35. Free Your Voice and Learn to Say No If others do not want to respect your right to choose, that is their problem. No matter what you do, you will never please others most of the time, so you may as well please yourself all the time. 36. Remember Your Friends One of the biggest regret of those on their deathbed is losing touch with old friends. You cannot make new ‘old friends’. You will rarely make friends like the ones who have been in your life for the long hall, don’t forget them. 37. Free Yourself from Childhood Issues The child in you lived, but got through those difficult times, don’t let the adult be punished by them. 38. Let Go of Resentment Why let another’s actions blight your life? Being filled with resentment towards others makes you bitter. Let it go. 39. Control Anger Our anger only serves in punishing us, not the ones we are angry with. 40. Help others to help themselves Instead of telling others how to do it, show them by example. 41. Lose the Need to be Right Wanting to be right, just makes others wrong. Value others opinions. 42. Question Everything Don’t believe everything you read, hear or see. If it doesn’t feel right, chances are it isn’t. 43. Give Without Expect of Return Doing nice things for others without expecting anything back, sets the spirit soaring. 44. Stop Throwing Pity Parties Talk and think like a victim and be a victim. 45. Strive For Many Life Experiences Keep your life energized with a new experience every day. 46. Why Wait? Go and Get It If you want something, find a way to get it. Don’t leave your dreams as a thought. Step out there and create them. 47. Respect the Elderly We will all be old one day. 48. Find Your Passions How will you know what they are if you don’t seek them out? 49. Select Acquaintances Wisely You become who you spend most time around. 50. Choose Happiness We have a choice how to feel. For a joyful life make the decision to feel happy each and every day!

5 Principles of Genuine Kindness By Charles Glassman, MD, FACP

the definition of kindness is, “the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.” In a perfect world this is a quality we would wish to bestow upon ourselves and hope others also possess. But why does it seem so hard.

I know what you are probably thinking, “Speak for yourself. It’s not hard for me. I’m a kind person, it’s everyone else who isn’t kind.”

Well here in lies the greatest obstacle to creating a world where kindness is the unwritten law of the land; the habit of humanity; the definition of our existence. The obstacle to this is the fact that humankind has relinquished control to our primitive nature, controlled and orchestrated by (what I call) our automatic brain.

Let me digress, briefly, to shed light on this brain. Our automatic brain is the same brain as our cave dwelling ancestors and the major driving force in animals (including us Homo sapiens). It does not think (i.e. lacks consciousness) and only reacts. It reacts to anything it picks up as potentially dangerous, threatening, or causing us to feel vulnerable. When any of these are detected it automatically reacts causing us to fight or flee. How does it know what is dangerous? Through a lifetime of storing information. When I say this brain doesn’t think, that is different from the idea generating thoughts. It can cause us to have thoughts if those thoughts help us to fight or flee danger. For example, let’s say you grew up in a home where you were taught that rich people were evil. As

you grew and became more educated, it led you to a career where you began to enjoy financial success. All of a sudden you begin to develop negative thoughts about yourself and feel anxiety. Why? Because your automatic brain detects this success as something dangerous because of the stored data from childhood and it is doing whatever it takes, by all necessary means, to get you to fight or flee this “danger”. Such is an example of a modern day saber-toothed tiger.

So let’s get back to kindness. I have highlighted the existence of a primitive nature controlled by a very basic reactive brain, the automatic brain (AB, for short). All humans possess this equally. But there is another part of us humans—a higher mind: reflective and conscious, pure and powerful—a gateway to our Divine nature. This is from where genuine kindness arises

But our AB is quite creative in how it protects us from so-called danger. Some people over the centuries have viewed the AB as ego or even the Devil. It can use kind acts to manipulate and to gain power over another. As well, being kind toward another may trigger danger as this brain may pick up that you are placing yourself in a vulnerable position and therefore the AB will cause you to fight or flee being kind; thus, the complexity and difficulty of being kind. So how do we practice kindness with purity and from our Divine nature rather than orchestrated by our AB, and hence, our primitive nature? 1.       Give with no expectations In other words, give with no strings attached. When we give with expectations of something in return, that is a sign our AB is taking the lead. When we expect something in return, that indicates our AB is trying to use kindness to gain the upper hand, thus insulating us from the danger of others taking advantage, or manipulating, us. Giving for display purposes, i.e. for the purposes of being viewed by others as a good person, may have immediate benefits on those to whom you give, but ultimately since it comes from the AB, will not nurture the Divine and genuine. In my mind, authentic giving without expectation leads to receiving without limitation.

2.       Understand that self-sacrifice often leads to self-sabotage

Surely it’s good to give of yourself, right? However, some of the greatest givers have allowed their own lives and families to fall apart. That is a sign that poverty and lack has somehow been programmed in their memory backs as something with which they are comfortable and the opposite as something dangerous (as the example above).  In order to be connected with true Divine kindness, you must first keep your own house in order—adequate (preferably abundant) food, clothing, and shelter. When you sacrifice yourself at the expense of others, you will block the access to true kindness, likely leading to resentment, inner anger, and even jealousy. Another way to look at this is a drowning person cannot help someone else who is drowning.

3.       Practice the Golden Rule

The most familiar version of the Golden Rule says, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Certainly, we would want others to be friendly, genuine, and considerate toward us, so it would make sense to do the same to others. Naturally, our AB will warn us that such action can make us more vulnerable. Such warnings are typical characteristics of the AB, which is forever scouring the landscape 24/7 for evidence of things that can hurt us. Don’t trust those warnings and practice this rule and realize we are all in this earth-boat together.

4.       Radiate Kindness

Have you ever described someone as having a “kind face” or say someone has “kind eyes.” I have. When you go through your days, no matter how stressful, maintain an upright posture, a smile on your face, and widen yours eyes (not in a creepy sort of way!). You can check in occasionally by viewing yourself in the mirror of a car, for instance. When you walk down the street envision your eyes sparkling, your face aglow, and your lips smiling. This will attract kindness to you and make your practice easier—more consistent with the Divine within you.

5.       Practice Non-Discriminatory Kindness

I think we can all agree that giving a homeless person a piece of bread or place a shirt on their back is an act of kindness. But what if you saw a millionaire in need of help. Or saw anyone in need of help who you perceived to have more than you or who was more powerful than you? Could you be kind to that person? You see, our AB does have us discriminating as a protective, defensive mechanism. “Why should I help that dude? They don’t help me?” (Hey, remember the first item on this list?!). Or you may be thinking, “They don’t need me to be kind. They can pay people to be kind to them.” You will find that when you follow your Divine instinct for kindness, you will not discriminate. I suspect, also, this practice will draw more kindness in your direction in ways you cannot even imagine.   

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There is probably no greater place than the concept of kindness, which highlights the difference between our primitive and Divine natures. Approaching others using the five principles above will help you not to believe, trust, or take direction from your primitive nature and will throw open the gates to the Divine, unveiling your pure potential, life purpose, and ultimately genuine success.

6 Hopes That Are Ruining Your Life and Why Hope is Not Good For You

Written by Steven Aitchison 

We have all been brought up with the word ‘Hope’ in our vocabulary. However if you stop to think about it in your own life you’ll realise just how damaging the word is.

The dictionary definition of hope is:
“to want something to happen or be true”
Two types of hope

First person hope

First person hope is when we hope something for ourselves.

When we hope for something to happen in our own lives we are giving our power away to an unseen force and telling ourselves ‘I can’t do it, so I will just hope it happens’. We are telling ourselves that we are too weak to make something happen, so we will just hope it happens.

Third person hope

Third person hope is when we hope something happens for others

Hoping for someone else is completely different from first person hope, like ‘I hope my friend gets better soon’ or ‘I hope my team will win their match today’ or ‘I hope my son or daughter does well in their interview today’ – that is a different type of hope. You have no control over the outcome as it’s up to another person or set of events that will make something happen. So hoping for someone else is like wishing them well in whatever they are doing and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

However when we hope that something happens for ourselves we are giving our power away, and that’s when we have to replace the word hope for something else.

Here are 6 hopes we must give up in order to empower ourselves again:

I hope I get rich someday

Everything about that statements says ‘I lack money in my life, and can’t find a way to get more.” When you are hoping to become rich you are just reaffirming that you have no money in your life.

A better statement, or question to ask your mind is:

“What can I do to bring more money into my life?” As soon as you ask yourself that open, positive question, your mind will get to work on giving you answers.

I hope I do well in my exams

When you have put in the effort and the hard work in studying for exams of any kind, then there is no need for hoping. Again, you are telling yourself that the outcome of the exam you are taking is in the hands of another, when in actual fact it’s completely within your control.

A better re-affirming statement for this would be:

“I am confident in my ability to pass this exam.”

I hope I meet my perfect partner

Listen to that statement inside your head for a few seconds and you’ll realise you’re giving up on actually finding your perfect partner and handing over the controls to fate.

Now, I really do believe that if things are meant to happen they will, but you also have to work to make the chance of it happening more likely. It’s like positive thinking does not work unless you take positive action. So, you’re never going to find your perfect partner unless you make it more likely that you’ll cross their path and to do that you have to do things to make that more likely e.g. join an online dating site, take a college course, go out with your friends more often, join a local group.

A better statement to tell yourself is:

“My perfect partner will come into my life when I am ready.”

I hope I get a better job

How many times have you heard people saying this.

The only way you are going to get a better job in life is to do something that increases your chances of getting a better job. It’s all about statistics.

Think about this scenario in terms of statistics:

You work in a factory part time and you are hoping you get a job of a primary school teacher. What are the chances of you getting the job of primary school teacher – 0%

You work in a factory part time and during the day you attend college to study to get your teaching degree, which you gain after a few years – 90%

You work in a factory part time and during the day you attend college to study to get your teaching degree, and also volunteer working in the local school – 95%

Hoping that something will happen, will, statistically, not happen unless you do something to make it happen, and then it is no longer a hope it’s a working goal.

A better statement or question would be

“What can I do to increase my chances of getting a better job?”

I hope I find my perfect home

Nobody ever found their perfect home with hope. We find our perfect home when we go out and actively look for it or ask our friends to keep a lookout for our ideal home and usually give them a criteria to look out for.

Sitting down to watch a soap in the evening will never bring your perfect home to you, instead it’s time to search the net, the estate agency sites, or private listings in the local paper.

A better statement would be:

“My perfect home is out there, and I will find it the more I keep looking for it.”

I hope I become famous one day

We’re living in a world of instant fame with TV shows like The X-Factor, (Your Country)’s got Talent, The Voice etc

You’ll notice that anybody who appears on shows like this already has a talent of some kind, have usually worked years to perfect their act, and they have put themselves in a better position of being discovered by entering these talent shows.

Reality TV shows are different, where you can become famous with no talent whatsoever, and if it is your hope of getting on a reality TV show then good luck as you are competing with millions of others, so the statistics go against you again.

If your hope is to become famous then the only way that is going to happen is to develop your talent, and make something happen for you like starting a business, writing a book, recording your own songs, anything as long as you are prepared to work on your chosen talent.

As ever let me know what you think or if you can add anything to this list.

5 Things All Men Should Know About Pregnant Womenfanduel promo code

5 Things All Men Should Know About Pregnant Women

CHHANDITA CHAKRAVARTY ON FEBRUARY 18, 2015

Men are often clueless when it comes to pregnancy. They may be meaning well, but can end up making their pregnant wife throw a fit.

If your wife is pregnant and you feel like you are walking on eggshells around her, you need to arm yourself – with knowledge!

Let us tell you exactly what your pregnant wife wants you to know:

1. She Is Hungry, Feed Her:

Yes, you know that your pregnant wife needs to eat more than usual. So be ready with snacks around the house!

2. Don’t Criticize Her Changing Appearance:

Never, ever tell her how big she is getting. She knows it. She may not tell you but is super conscious about her changing body. Don’t add to her pain. Just say ‘you look beautiful’ – that should do it!

3. Pregnancy Brain Is Not A Myth:

Okay, your wife may never tell you this but pregnancy hormones do take a toll on one’s brain. Be kind. She’ll forget where she kept her car keys – just ignore these instances. Don’t worry, things will return to normal once your baby arrives.

4. Sex Will Not Harm The Baby:

But that doesn’t mean your wife will enjoy it! So, consider your wife’s changing sexual needs. Some women get hypersexual while pregnant. Others lose interest.

5. She Needs Pillows More Than You:

Now, don’t make it personal. Of course, she loves you! But when you feel like a whale, the last thing you need is another human in the bed. So make yourself comfortable on the couch while your wife sleeps with her favorite pillow.

6. She Will Not Break:

Your wife is pregnant. She hasn’t turned into glass! Treat her well but don’t overdo it.

7. Pregnancy Is About Her:

Yes, you are excited about parenthood. But she is the one undergoing the changes during pregnancy. So allow her to be the center of attraction.

8. Don’t Ask, Just Do:

If your wife asks for an epidural, don’t ask ‘are you sure?’ Go get the doctor instead. Yes, all you need to do is follow her lead!

9. The Delivery Room:

Well, it is your wife who gets to decide who’ll be with her during childbirth. If she asks you to be around, great. If not, don’t sulk.

10. She Is Tired, Not Lazy:

Imagine your body blowing up to thrice its original size. Imagine staying awake at night as a little something rolls around in your stomach. Well, your wife is experiencing it all and much more. She is tired. Don’t mistake it for laziness.

11. Yes, She Needs Those Massages:

Pregnancy is tough. Your wife’s body is just different now. And it hurts. So, if she asks for the tenth tummy massage at night, just do it. If you feel like complaining, remember what she is going through.

12. Prenatal Visits Are Important:

Maybe for you the prenatal visits are nothing but a waste of time. Don’t tell her that. Just hang around with her as she rejoices and sheds a few tears while watching the little one inside her tummy during a scan.

13. She Is Hormonal, Don’t Mention It:

If you see her bawling her eyes out after watching a silly movie, don’t mention hormones. She knows it, you know it – just don’t make it a subject of discussion.

14. She Is Right:

Well, accept that she is right. If you want peace at home!

15. She Is Scared:

Pregnancy might be the most normal thing in the world, but for your wife, it is scary. The changes in her body, labor, giving birth, taking care of a helpless infant – these are the things that give your wife sleepless nights. Don’t just say ‘everything is going to be okay.’ Hold her hand and team with her.

Most importantly, learn to laugh. Pregnancy and taking care of a baby will change you, your wife, and your marriage. It will take a toll on your otherwise perfect relationship. A good sense of humor is something you’ll need to survive.

If you are a new father, tell us how you helped your wife beat the pregnancy blues.